Ben Gets Back
by John Hastings
Four years ago, Benjamin Mageau considered checking out of life. Despair, depression, hoplessness and confusion were familiar parts of his daily routine. Returning to Vancouver from San Francisco following an absence of more than a decade proved to be an extremely difficult transition: Vancouver had changed, rent prices had skyrocketed and it was unheard of to find a clean, safe place downtown to call home for less than $900/month.
Such prices are barely affordable for healthy, full-time workers, much less someone who is battling an illness like HIV/AIDS. Ben put on a strong outward face for his son and daughter and moved into a tiny East Side apartment on Fraser Street that was less than ideal. Due to sheer exhaustion and financial difficulties, Ben ended up picking the first two people he interviewed to be his roommates, one of whom just happened to have a violent assault background.
Living with roommates can be a difficult juggling act for anyone. For Ben, this difficulty was made even more difficult by his illness. The lack of privacy and chaos that ensued living with two other extremely different personalities in a very small apartment began to take its toll. Sinking deeper into depression for the first time in his life, he wasn't sure if he wanted to continue living.
The man I met at a local downtown Starbucks is happy and full of life. I am amazed when he describes the level of despair that he was feeling on a daily basis only four years ago. Ben is quick to laugh, make jokes and has the kind of personality that puts you at ease immediately. I tried to imagine the man he described as himself not long ago. He described crying episodes that would last hours, attempting to cross busy streets during red lights and aimless wandering in the city—unsure of where he wanted to go, only sure that he didn't want to return to his cramped apartment.
Ben uses the word "angels" to describe the people at AIDS Vancouver, BCPWA and McLaren Housing whom he credits for pulling him out of an extremely dark time in his life. It all happened very fast and before he knew it he was moving into Helmcken House in downtown Vancouver. When Ben tries to describe the feeling of absolute bliss at being able to close the door behind him and have complete privacy, I can only imagine how that must have felt after months of turmoil and uncertainty.
Four years later—Ben's emotional and physical health have dramatically improved. The heavy burden of worry has been lifted off his shoulders. Safe, private, and clean housing has had an incredibly positive influence on Ben's quality of life. The amazing support that he continues to receive is apparent when he talks about the network of people who have helped him get to where he is today. 
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